Photo by María Helena Carey
After a couple of columns about my take on MOtH, I decided it was time to talk to the main source– the MOtH among MOtHs, if you will– because surely there is much in my perception that differs from the reality of how the group started, and how it is viewed by those who are closest to it. So I got to share a lovely cup of coffee at SOVA with Jen DeMayo– original MOtH and actual mother on the Hill– and we talked about how MOtH came about.
I was surprised when Jen admitted that she was not, as seems to be the common assumption around the Hill, THE founding member of MOtH. “Actually, it was my friend Rocio,” she confided. Rocio, who has since moved to another neighborhood, was one of the core members of a playgroup that eight or nine moms started back in 2000. Back then, they were all new mothers who happened to meet at the Breastfeeding Center, originally located at the Columbia Hospital for Women (which closed in 2002), before moving to K street NW.
Rocio’s husband was so fed up with all the email back-and-forth that crowded their inbox regarding playdates and coffee dates and such, that Rocio decided to create an eGroup in order to communicate with the other moms and make play and park dates. (N.B.– eGroups was bought up by Yahoo! in 2000)
There was no active recruiting at the time: under eGroups, any member could invite others to join in, so the group grew modestly and quietly, until Jen –who at the time penned a column about being a parent on the Hill for the Hill Rag— wrote an article about MOtH in early September of 2001. There were only around 40 members at the time, but Jen’s article must have been so compelling (which is why it’s so cool to be writing alongside her here on THIH!) that people started coming out of the woodwork, begging to be invited to the group.
Some people were very nice about it. And some people were not so nice about the whole process, demanding to be let into the listserv; or, in other cases, feeling that MOtH itself was somehow elitist for being a group for Capitol Hill families only.
As membership continued to grow, fueled by the article and by the increasing buzz of word-of-mouth, some of the founders began to resent it: certainly at no point in the beginning did the original members ever foresee that a simple eGroup created for the purpose of keeping organized would turn out to be the sought-after behemoth it’s become. And with the growth came some notorious growing pains as well: some members began to use the group as their personal soapbox and ground zero for crusades on mothering practices; others took exception to causes perceived to be spearheaded by MOtH, and the group was even mentioned in a nasty lawsuit around the inception of Two Rivers PCS; plus, the partisan bickering took on a life of its own in a city where most have very strong views regarding politics.
But what does it all mean? Well, something about the best laid schemes of mice and moms comes to mind.
Jen is very philosophical on the subject — she enjoys the banter and the different points of view that people are not afraid to bring to the table. She even suggested I read some of the juicier bits (2004 posts are a sure bet), which are right there for the world to see. And while she realizes that MOtH is far more than what she or any of those moms almost a decade ago intended for it to become, Jen is glad MOtH is, and is a part of her life and of life on the Hill, and she jokes that her obituary will probably mention something about her starting MOtH.
I, like every sane, red-blooded American, am a fan of those who choose to or are chosen to become mothers. I just want to make clear from the outset that what follows is in no way tied to your topic of choice this week.
That said, this column (like many/most of your recent entries) is an abomination. I want to give you constructive criticism, so I’ll stop with any harsh language at that. Your primary point for improvement is that your writing reads like the poorly translated instruction manual for a Taiwanese knock-off VCR. Further, you’ve managed to take twice as long as necessary to make your point, no doubt because you have some vague notion that you’ve given it a journalistic flourish of some sort. I’m here to let you know that you have not.
Normally, I just skip over your entries instead of bothering to go through them, only to wish I had those 30 seconds back. Today, however, because I’ve noticed that you’ve gotten worse and not better, I’m commenting here to tell you these things. Irrespective of your topic, you are consistently the least interesting and most over-written contributor to this otherwise enjoyable blog.
Someone needed to tell you, and I guess that someone had to be me.
I’ve really enjoyed the MoTH columns and am kind of sad that I don’t have the “M” to qualify for membership!
🙂
Wow, what on earth is up with Silence Dogwood, and who asked for their unecessarily scathing opinion? Maria, please ignore this extremely rude and inaccurate comment.
As one of the Moths who contributed to the juiciet bits in 2004, I still love the group eventhough it has recently become an ISO and FS group almost exclusively. Jen and Rocio were trailblazers and at it’s inception I credit Moth and the resulting playgroups for pulling me from the brink of post partum depression, the mind-numbing isolation of new motherhood and episodes of Dr. Phil.
Long live MOTH!
Ruthcarol
MOTH posts of 2004 were much more interesting than the current ones, that’s for sure.
Silence D., do you have a column that you’d like to have critiqued?
Wow–wasn’t anyone available to speak up more for MOTH? It’s been a huge resource in my life, and I think has been for a lot of us new moms who don’t have any family nearby (as many DC families don’t). Did you know that one of MOTH’s regular features is Meals on Wheels–where every time a new baby is born, the parents’ address and dietary preferences are noted so members can sign up in a database to bring the tired parents meals each night? What about the way MOTHs have come together to help others deal with illness, sickness, death, fire, poverty , crime, etc?
I have gotten lots of helpful advice, support, and ideas when I was desperately searching for answers on how to get my baby(ies) to: sleep, nurse, eat, take medicine, etc. Sometimes it’s just reassurance that you’re doing the right thing when you don’t feel like you are.
If it wasn’t for MOTH, I would know nothing right now about where to go to get my infant and toddler H1N1 vaccinated or exactly how far apart to get the doses, etc.!
There’s a lot of different styles of parenting discussed on MOTH-but I have never felt there was undue criticism of someone who cries it out or someone who co-sleeps, for instance. I feel like people are pretty respectful of differing approaches.
If it wasn’t for MOTH, I never would have found my: pediatrician, doula (hi, RuthCarol!), realtor, contractor, kids’ activities, etc.
I think MOTH is a far cry from other listservs out there out there–I actually stopped my DC Urban Moms emails because I found too much inflammatory stuff and criticism on there.
In fact, I know a MOTH who moved to another city and tried to start such a group there but said that people weren’t as respectful of other people’s opinions and always wanted to post their religious, political, etc. views. Sure, some of that happens on MOTH-but far less often than you’d think and for me it happens infrequently enough for me to overlook it (and sometimes I just appreciate hearing a viewpoint I don’t normally).
MOTH truly is a community for me and my family and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I’m on about 5 listservs–MOTH is the only one from which I read every digest!
Forget commenting on the article, what about a picture of a lactating squirell. Won’t someone think of the children?
But seriously, I think the whole purpose of the Hill is Home, and the articles written by its contributors, is that it gives a little slice of who lives on the Hill. And it gives a sense of community, much like MoTH that Maria is writing about. And the best part about MoTH is I can choose to NOT reading articles that mean nothing to me. If it helps someone else, than more power to them. I have more important things to do (like raise my children and enjoy my friends) than complain anonymously in a public forum. MoTH has been very helpful to me and I really enjoy it. I remember reading one of the original Hill Rag articles about MoTH and looking forward to joining it when I became a mother. It is good to be invested in your community.