09 Sep 2011

Practical Guide to Ark Building


Originally uploaded to flickr by LivingOS.

As I have no more pans available to catch the water that has been leaking from my roof, I’ve decided to accept reality and turn my focus and energy to something more productive: building an ark.  Its a better use of limited time, rather than save what is going to get swept away or moldy anyway.  Believe me, in a few days you’ll thank me.

First, we begin with materials.  Certainly Frager’s will be my first stop for lumber and whatnot.  And I expect the staff there will help ensure I have the right plans in place to build something that will actually float.  I mean, they make sure everything else about my current house works (except said roof, but that’s not their fault).  But I don’t think they’ll have quite enough inventory there to build a Capitol Hill-sized ark.  Because I’m not going anywhere without you people — what would be the fun in that?

Where to go for additional materials?  ….  I feel pretty confident about scavenging from the International Graduate University.  Nothing going on there anytime soon.  Maybe too the corner of  Pennsylvania and Potomac Ave.  Whole lotta empty promises there.  The temporary Eastern Market building for sure (its not much, but at least we can finally have an answer when visitors inevitably ask, “so what’s going to happen to the temporary building?”  Well, suburbanites, we’re using it for our ark!)  I’ll take what hasn’t yet crumbled from 10th & C, NE, along with every other blighted property.  Add Hine School, and we should have enough raw materials for a quality ark.  Oh yeah, plus the fence from Potomac Gardens.  Definitely need that.

Now I need someone to help with construction.  I suppose I could go with the firm that rebuilt Eastern Market or the one that is working on the Hill Center.  Nice design, good quality, appropriate nods to the historic character of our fair neighborhood.  But I don’t have the kind of time it takes to wait for something that’s going to be months overdue.  No, I’m going straight to H Street, NE.  Sure, illegal construction happens overnight, but that means those folks know how to get something done.  Plus, some of those builders MUST have some serious connections down at DCRA to get the building permits they’ve been getting, so we’ll have no problem on that front.

Now that the ark is built, its time to populate.  And so they come, two by two … bartenders from the Argonaut (obviously) and Wisdom, baristas from Peregrine  and SOVA, the staff from Eastern Market Nails and Michael Anthony Salon.  We’ll maintain our cultured side with shows from H Street Playhouse and Folger Theater; Atlas will take care of music and movie night out.  CHAW and Joy of Motion will stimulate our creativity.

For neighborhood restaurant love, I feel like we have to have Henry and our friends behind Montmartre and 7th Hill.  Though if we wanted to go for sheer numbers, Xavier Cervera is the obvious choice.  And when you want to go bar hopping until 4am on the Lido deck? Bar czar Joe Englert is our man.  I’m going to put Smith Commons in charge of the beer selection, Jon from Schneider’s in charge of wine, and install Erik from Wisdom/Church & State/Fruit Bat as curator of liquor.  We’ll relocate the King’s Court community garden to supply fresh fruits and veggies, and rely on a Tunnicliff’s / Union Meats partnership to grill up our burgers.  There will be plenty of sweets to go around, but I’m giving kitchen space priority to Dangerously Delicious for the Elvis and chocolate coconut chess pies.

We’ll have an excellent political system, since our councilmember has expertise in education and transportation, plus now parks, recreation and planning.  And ANC 6A could function as our at-large ANC (trust me on this one).  DC Access will keep us online, and @capitolhilldc, @HstreetDC, Frozen Tropics and, of course, The Hill is Home will keep us all in the know.

Ahh, Hilltopia.

Eventually, when the water begins to recede and our little ark lodges itself on top of Maj. Gen. Green in Stanton Park, I believe I will miss our sojurn together.  But there won’t be much time for nostalgia, as we will be quite busy reestablishing ourselves in the city that shall become known as Wellslandia.


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