Oh God, it’s ShamrockFest time again. Every year we go through this. Hordes of drunks staggering their way back from RFK and trying (and, oh so often failing) to figure out how to use the Metro.
And yes, peeing. Like cats in mating season. All over the neighborhood and themselves. Every year those of us in close proximity to 19th Street batten down the hatches and get ready for the great swarm of green-shirted faux-Irish drunks using our alleys as public toilets.
Honestly, I’m a little annoyed at these folks, but I reserve my real ire at the organizers of this event. After all, you can’t advertise “seemingly endless beer trucks” and not know where all that beer is going to end up. ShamrockFest does a perfectly fine job providing port-a-potties for the attendees, but once they’re outside the gate, they’re on their own.
Let’s be honest. St. Patrick’s Day has about as much to do with celebrating Irish culture as Talk Like a Pirate Day has to do with Somalia’s. Maybe some of you really are going for the music (hey, it’s possible). But I doubt the guy yakking in front of my kids or the young ladies huddling between the car in front of my house with their pants around their ankles are really music purists. This is a booze fest, pure and simple.
Nor am I going to pretend I have some degree of moral superiority here. I enjoy a drink or twelve too. But let’s show a little pride, people. You’re not 19 anymore (well, many of you aren’t). You don’t have to huddle in a parking lot drinking crap beer and pretending it’s a good time. There’s plenty of places around here with good beer on tap, and if you can’t tell the difference, just stay home with a case of Miller Lite. It’s not like you improve your chances of hooking up by stumbling around in a vomit-encrusted shirt with “Screw Me – I’m Irish” on it.
Now, I have no hope the organizers of ShamrockFest are going to suddenly wake up and discover some sort of sense of civic responsibility. Nor will legions of drunk “twenty-one” year olds think, “Hey, better I should piss myself in the Metro than go into that alley and take care of business.” So, my neighbors and I will just suck it up and deal with it. This too shall pass.
After all, the amount of revenue MPD must draw in from writing all those public urination tickets has to do something to close the budget gap, right? Someone should buy those guys a beer; they’ve got a busy Saturday ahead.